Jokes and Funnies!! Come on it for a laugh!!

The other night I was invited out for a night with the "girls."
I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!"
Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily.
Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home.

Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and
Cuckooed 3 times.

Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed
Another 9 times.

I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted
Solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him.

(Even when totally smashed... 3 cuckoo s plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos =
MIDNIGHT !) The next morning my husband asked me what time I got
In, I told him "MIDNIGHT"... He didn't seem p*ssed off in the least.

Whew, I got away with that one! Then he said "We need a new cuckoo clock."

When I asked him why, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three
Times, then said "oh shit!" Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat,
Cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed tw ice more, and then
Tripped over the coffee table and farted."

Eight Words with two Meanings



1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female...... Any part under a car's hood.
Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to an other.
Male..... Playing football without a cup.

3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n .
Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male ... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.

4. COMMITMENT (ko- mit-ment) n.
Female..... A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male...... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female . . . A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.

6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female.... An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.
Male...... A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.

7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female...... The greatest _expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male. Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.

8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male ... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.

i saw this and had a hard time stopping myself from laughing at some of them...
hope its okay to post this!

http://www.guidespot.com/guides/engagement_photo_funny_wedding

>
> The first man married a woman from Missouri. He
> told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple
> of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes
> washed and put away.
>
> The second man married a woman from Idaho.. He
> gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the
> cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw
> it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes
> were done and there was a huge dinner on the table.
>
> The third man married a Jewish girl from New York.
> He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry
> washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he
> didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything but by the third
> day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his
> left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich
> and load the dishwasher.