My Dilemna/an Ettiquette question

OK, so we are having a Huge BBQ for the 4th. We planned it as a "thank you" for the people who helped us after the hurricane, and since. For example, my BIL took off work, hauled off my freezer that had been sitting in funk and filth for over a week with NO elec. . DH's aunt and uncle helped by helping with Bay. Dh's cousin let us stay oin her house while she was in the hospital having a baby.....we stayed for 2 weeks while she was gone. ( not a lot of people will say hey, stay, I won't be home.)

Dh invited his Aunt, and 2 of their kids, jan and Joe. They both helped us, tremendously. There is a younger brother, who we have not heard from in 2 years. Jan mentioned a week or so ago that the younger brother would be out of town and unable to come, I blew it off, since he was NOT invited.
NOw dh's aunt send me an email letting me know they are not going out of town, and here is their email" Just in case".
I really really do not want to invite him or his GF, we have nothing in common with him, and I have never met the GF.We have not speoken to him or seen him even in a long while.....ne of those you only see at Xmas.

SO, what should i do? At present I am ignoring the email.....I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I also don't want to invite them either.

I would continue to ignore the emil from your aunt. I know it's not wise advice, but I would feel exactly like you. I hate being pressured into inviting people I don't want to invite. It'll ruin the event for you, and this is all about your family getting settled in and thanking those who helped you get there. It's not a family reunion.

or you could just take the higher road... if they come, so what... maybe it'd be a chance to reconcile and who knows, you might even like the girlfriend ...

how much can they eat? maybe it would make them feel good to be included, and in turn, it would do wonders for your karma.

and that's my opinion and i'm sticking with it :-) whatever, have a great party, sounds like a really good reason to have one... to celebrate the new house and all those that helped you out! (well and maybe some who didn't )

I would tell her straight up that this is a party to thank those that helped you, and he did not. I would be polite and say that you will be sure he gets an invite to the next party but this one is a small and specific guest list.

Lori, I am ignoringthe email still.....

Dee, , i will not invite them, and if they show up I will deal but not be happy.


Tara, there are roughly 75 people coming..........sigh
Those that helped and their husbands, kids, wives or girlfriends.

I'd say, "I'm so glad you sent me his e-mail! Now I'll be able to invite him to some of our future events. This one isn't really a family BBQ. It's a thank you for all the folks who came and worked on helping us recover from the hurricane." Then you can blow off future invites if you want.

ahhh so you are supposed to email and invite him.

She didnt just send you an email and tell you and expect a reply.


I'd go with ignoring the email. THEN, when she said something I'd say "stupid outlook, I'll have to check my junk folder. OMG- sure enough, it was there. Oh well, maybe when we have a family BBQ, they would have felt out of place here today, since we are thanksing everyone and giving speaches and pointing out what everyone did for us. "

bizzeedee wrote:or you could just take the higher road... if they come, so what... maybe it'd be a chance to reconcile and who knows, you might even like the girlfriend ...

how much can they eat? maybe it would make them feel good to be included, and in turn, it would do wonders for your karma.

and that's my opinion and i'm sticking with it :-) whatever, have a great party, sounds like a really good reason to have one... to celebrate the new house and all those that helped you out! (well and maybe some who didn't )

I think that this is what I would do too.
With 75+ people coming, you probably won't be around them much anyway.

OK, I have to find out...did they show up?

NO, they did not show, and Dh's aunt never mentioned it.
Somone did ask how they were etc, and she told them, but didn't mention them not being invited.